Wednesday, July 2, 2008

RARRRGH! Whew. I'm okay.

Since this is a research quest (and because I've been spending too much time lollygagging beside the pool/Pacific) summer reading is requisite. And besides the guilty pleasure (I Was Told There'd Be Cake, by Sloane Crosley, about- what else?-New York) it's all been about the business.

1. How to Sell Yourself as an Actor by K Callan: This is the actress who played superman's mom on "Lois & Clark," wouldn't you listen to the woman who sewed clark kent his zesty man o' steel outfit? No, seriously, I love her books. She says things like, "Don't panic. Plan!" I love alliteration.

2. An Actor's Guide: Your First Year in Hollywood by Michael Nicholas: My sister bought me this book when we were at that giant bookstore in Portland last August. It has a big star on the front. I bend the cover back when I'm reading it. (I hate that I do that. I think it's part of this ashamed thing we all do, like when people ask your profession of choice, and you apologetically say in a little voice, "I'm...an actor?" I pride myself on being a Gryffindor, but I act like a real squib sometimes. Goal #1: Stop apologizing.)

And the one that pulled me out of my two-day freakout funk:
3. How to Act & Eat at the Same Time by Tom Logan: I saw it at Samuel French the other day, and then I saw it again at B & N, and felt like...I need more books. I'm going to drive across country in October with an entire Toyota Matrix full of self-help literature.

He says stuff like, "Don't apologize" and "Don't beg" and "There's no logic to the casting process." He also says stuff like, "Just realize that an audition is a special time you've set aside to humiliate yourself," as well as "It's your attitude that could be the most important factor in your success." Huh. Novel idea. (Goal #2: Confidence! ) No, but really, what I liked about the book is that it reminded me this business is difficult for everyone, actors, directors, writers, producers. We all just want to work. Unfortunately, sometimes the desire to search out why the hell that other girl who looks exactly like me except with an overbite got cast in that crappy webisode when they LOVED me and told me they'd definitely be calling me and I saw her last spring in a festival of one-acts written by convicts and she sucked!!?@! makes you go a little crazy and you end up eating a bag of Whole Foods yogurt raisins in bed while reading that scene in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (you know which one, it involved a muggle-utilization of a shovel) for the twelfth time and crying a little.

Hrm.

I just had a whole long discussion with the tech guy today about computers and web design and actors and musicians and Los Angeles and marketing, and he came up with this brilliant assessment of the success of any business:

1. Acquisition (Of clients, a roster of casting directors who know your work, directors who love you, regional theaters that love hiring you every spring season, etc.)
2. Maintenance (Keeping them. Continuing the circle of love. Making them happy.)

Easy enough, right? The freakout is over. It's like candy binges. In the moment, it's like you're never going to stop eating candy, you are a sugar monster raaawwr moooreeee sugaaaar! And then it's over. And you feel like crap. And then you eat a carrot, and life goes on.

In other news, I now have an audition on Tuesday for something which I swore never to involve myself in: a zombie play. I've even previously scuttled past zombie movies, but you know...a girl's gotta start somewhere.

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